You know what its like at dinner parties; at some point somebody (usually the one that’s had too much to drink) brings the conversation around to sex.
One night in 2016 my partner and I found ourselves driving away from a friend’s dinner party where the generic and perennial subject of ‘sex parties’ had arisen. The topic was greeted with a mixture of ‘ooh I’d never do that’ to ‘I’d go if I didn’t have to DO anything’ and ‘what would happen if you’d bump into someone you knew?!’. It was followed by gasps of humour and excitement – but in hindsight I sometimes wonder how many of us left that evening considering exploring the subject further.
That’s when we had the conversation that changed our lives. We chatted about the evening and in particular about the conversation. We laughed about the mixed reactions – and then that’s when I said, “I’d go”. My partner laughed and said he would too – and that’s when we crossed the line I think. We chatted about what we would do if we saw someone we knew – and how we’d all be in ‘the same boat’ so would it really matter? That was when we decided to try it out – but in another country.
Abroad seemed a safer bet than doing anything locally. We already had a holiday booked in Budapest and hit upon a out of town club with great reviews. Some online research revealed that our dates would fit a party held regularly; emailing produced an encouraging reply, and we booked ourselves in.
Dressing for a club is far more complicated for a woman than a man! Men usually wear their boxer shorts – or sometimes nothing at all. Women (now I’m more familiar with the scene) wear everything from a sexy bra and knickers set, to babydoll outfits, corsets, stockings and suspenders, bodystockings, leather, lace or pvc. I opted for a lace slip – see-through on the nipples, but long enough to cover up my most vulnerable places…!
The night arrived and following a leg shaving, body buffing, moisturising extravaganza similar to that of a first date, we called a taxi. Before we left I wrote a note and left it in the hotel room with the name of the club we were heading to – just in case we never returned! I knew it was unlikely but it made me feel safer nonetheless.
We wound our way out of town, and in the dark it was hard to know where we were, but we ended up in what looked like an expensive wooded suburb of large detached houses. Gangsters, footballers or film stars? Here we arrived at large private wrought iron gates where we rang the bell – and a cut glass English accent responded ‘Ah yes, please come in!’
We were welcomed into a Hollywood-style house full of beautiful people by a lady in a stunning corset and stockings, who told us in perfect English what we needed to know. Amazingly it was just £20 for both of us – and the drinks were free!
Of course, the experience was intimidating and I was a nervous wreck – but a few drinks certainly helped to calm the nerves. We sat ourselves on the sofa of a downstairs bar and gazed at the confident, scantily dressed people chatting, dancing, and kissing. Then we decided to explore the club.
A staircase led to ‘playrooms’ that were designed for couples and groups to either ‘play’ or watch those playing. One room, lined with cushioning, was really good for us. An exhibitionist couple were having sex – with plenty of noise which I found very stimulating! My partner and I chose to stand in the shadows, but when I reached around to touch him, he was hard and I felt even more excited. In some ways, looking back, it seems quite tame – but for us, at that moment it was certainly the sexiest (and bravest) thing I had done.
My partner sat down on a stool and I sat on his lap, pulling him inside me. We were safe in the dark – and though a few people started to watch us too, I felt free to feel sexy and watch others around us as we played.
Then we moved to the next floor, where a large swimming pool had attracted a few couples. One couple lay on the sofa and we watched whilst he gave her oral sex. To me, the ‘live porn’ part of the experience made me very excited and I was ready to have sex with my partner.
Another room was designed for that purpose and so there we went. We lay beside another couple and we used the sound of them to stimulate us. Neither of us were at the stage of wanting to play with others – and the single men that approached me, or reached out and stroked me whilst we were playing, were given short shrift. That’s one of the comforting things on the swinging scene – ‘no’ means ‘no!’ No question.
The return taxi was fun; I was still buzzing with excitement and couldn’t wait to get my partner back to the room! Plus, the good-looking driver was fascinated by where we had been, how I was dressed and wanted to know if we recommended the venue. With the confidence we now have, he might well have found himself a part of another fantasy!
- In hindsight we arrived a little late. The club opened at 9pm and closed at 5am. We arrived at 10.30pm thinking that things would only just be getting warmed up. We realised that earlier would potentially have been better.
- If you are a couple and you do not want involvement with single guys, then check the club’s policy before you go. Many clubs have restrictions on the numbers of single men, or areas where single guys are not allowed.
- A few drinks really helps you to feel at ease. But don’t be the ‘drunk one’. There is always one – and it ruins things for everyone else. This is not a ‘let’s get pissed’ night out. It’s about having all your senses fully working – after all, you need to feel it to enjoy it. Being drunk is actively frowned upon.
- Be brazen! Despite how awkward you feel during your first time, there is nothing worse than regretting not ‘making the most of it’.
- Don’t be afraid to say no – to anyone. ‘No means no’ is the strongest rule at these places – and if someone doesn’t listen then report them immediately. If somebody is coming on strongly to you but is clearly very intoxicated then make sure you have genuine consent before you go further.
- All clubs provide condoms free of charge in all of the playrooms. But if you prefer a size or shape to suit you, take your own. NEVER play without one on. Ever.
- Afterwards? This experience is now several years old – but it still has great currency in the ‘wank bank’ and is always ready to be cashed in when the mood is right!