Are you taking on the #30DayOrgasmFun Challenge?
Originally started in 2017 by Tabitha Rayne, an erotic author and artist who designed the award winning #RubyGlow vibrator, her idea was to increase awareness of the effects orgasms can have on wellbeing and mental health.
Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health issue each year and in England, 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (such as anxiety and depression) in any given week. It appears that how people cope with mental health problems is getting worse as the number of people who self-harm or have suicidal thoughts is increasing.
So if we can find natural – and not medical – ways of boosting the wellbeing of our mind, all the better! Because when we orgasm our brain floods with the hormone oxytocin, a powerful chemical that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It regulates social interaction and sexual reproduction, playing a role in behaviours from maternal-infant bonding and milk release to empathy and generosity. It’s sometimes known as the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone,” because it can even be released when people just snuggle up or bond socially.
Orgasms can also raise testosterone levels in both men and women, increasing our ongoing sex-drive and creating a self-satisfying cycle of feel-good hormones where the endorphins in our bodies can send us into deeply relaxed states, soothing our stresses and anxieties.
So – without further ado, here are our first 6 tips for getting where you want to go…
On average, men report having an orgasm 85.1% of the time, no matter what their sexual orientation, but heterosexual women report orgasms only 62.9% of the time, with that number slightly higher for lesbian women at 74.7%.
If you don’t know what stimulates and excites you, then how can you expect your partner to work it out? Do some self-discovery and masturbate either alone or jointly with them. Do it whilst you are watching porn together and explore your fantasies by finding things that are a little bit different. We highly recommend FrolicMe along with everyone’s staple sex portal PornHub. Play with lubrication on your genitals and your nipples and see how that might turn things up a notch. It’s surprising how many men enjoy having their nipples played with – and yet they’re often ignored.
Talking dirty to one another is highly underrated; it’s a way of expressing inner desires without ever needing to fulfil them. Use your voice carefully; whisper the naughtiest of things right into his or her ear – make up a scenario that will turn them on. Tell them what you’d like them or other people to do to you. Imagine that there are people watching – describe them to your partner – are they wanting to join in or enjoying watching you both?
Use inflection in your voice to heighten the moment – and get louder as they near climax. If you see that it’s exciting them don’t stop, but make it even hotter if you can!
It may sound simple – but tell them in the dirtiest of ways what you love about their body; “your cock is so big today – I can see it wants me” or “I thought about your tits today, I wanted to feel your nipples in my mouth and tease them until I made you wet”…and the more you can say all of this without even enacting it – the more turned on they will become.
Clean communication works too!
Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you want more or less of. After all – how will they know unless you tell them!
How many times have you been spent a period of time where sex just hasn’t made its way onto the agenda? You start to feel disconnected from your partner and maybe even start to feel irritable and disengaged. Communication is key to a successful relationship, and orgasming with them greatly increases our ability to bond. A 2014 study into “pillow talk” showed that couples who orgasmed during sexual activity were more open with each other afterwards, and were more likely to talk about their emotions and disclose “information of greater magnitude”.
The Male G-spot
The male G-spot is an area which can be extremely sensitive to touch, so stimulating it the right way can lead to very intense orgasms or even a series of multiple smaller ones. This can be enjoyed singlehandedly – if you are flexible enough – or as a couple.
If you’re relatively new to this, finding out where the male G-spot is located could be slightly surprising. It’s inside the prostate gland and is about the size of a large nut, under your bladder and therefore can be only accessed via the ‘tradesman’s entrance’.
With a little experimentation you can also stimulate it externally by massaging the perineum the soft, padded skin between your balls and anus. But this doesn’t work for everyone.
Experiment with Edging
Do you know what edging is? Probably – although you may never have given it this name. It’s a little bit like stopping and starting, except that edging is more about keeping going by ‘surfing’ the wave of arousal. It’s more often practiced by women, but can be oh so satisfying for the men too!
All you need to do is to masturbate normally until you get close to climax, and then slow right down so you don’t ejaculate. By varying your speed, pressure and rhythm, you can control your arousal, but without stopping. Teach your partner to do it too – and again, don’t be afraid to direct them as you wish; “slower, faster, softer, faster…”
Open the toy box!
Why is it that so many women keep their toys to themselves? If you are with a partner, don’t forget to try it with them too. A vibrator can become a massager or a nipple tickler for a man just as much as it can for a woman.
If you’re a woman on her own, then you can’t beat taking a seat on the Ruby Glow, a saddle style non-penetrative toy, designed to stimulate your whole vulva.
But don’t forget that there are many toys for men out there too. A cock ring is a simple sex toy and can have surprising effects. They vary from rings that sit around the base of the penis right through to double rings that fits around both it and the balls at the same time. There are also some that have a clitoral stimulator attached.
Hot Octopuss make an intriguing Pulse III (solo and duo) that we had the opportunity to take a look at during Eroticon 2018. We’re looking forward to trying one out for our reviews soon. While PULSE III SOLO has been designed for male solo use, PULSE III DUO with its remote control and vibrating underside has been specifically designed for couples.
If you are interested in taking part in #30DayOrgasmFun it’s not too late to start! Follow the conversation on Twitter and find out more about the 30 Days of Orgasms initiative in Tabitha’s blog post here.