Taking my wife to have sex with other men saved my marriage

That probably isn’t a line you hear very often is it? But Brazen Guide’s Chief Editor, Bracken Jelier, went to meet one couple whose visits to sex parties has cemented a relationship that was starting to fall apart after erectile disfunction nearly broke them apart. Whilst swinging or polyamory may not be for everyone, this couple urge us to keep an open mind.

To look at, Mick and Jennifer* are your average couple in their early 60’s. They are sitting opposite me in a quiet country pub jesting with each other over who is today’s designated driver. He wins and orders a pint whilst we have a tonic water and a lime and soda. Then we look at each other and an awkward silence signifies that it is probably my job to start off this conversation.

“So…..” I begin, and they laugh. ‘Yes’ he says ‘it’s quite a headline isn’t it!’ We all laugh together and the awkward moment has gone. The story starts with something that could easily had a tragic end for this marriage and Mick starts to tell their story.

“15 years ago I was diagnosed with testicular cancer and underwent surgery to remove both of my testicles; something that I regarded as my ‘manhood’; I had big balls – and I was proud of them! ‘A good handful’ I always used to say. So the news of the cancer was terrible and the news of the removal of my testicles was also pretty tough. But, you know, it’s one of those things, I am lucky to be a survivor – and they did say I should be able to continue our sex life in the normal way.

This is a second marriage for both of us. We got together in our early 40’s, meeting through mutual friends. We had some serious chemistry going on – and had sex the first night we met! (He assures me I can print that bit!) Sex was a very important part of our relationship and always has been. We didn’t want children together as we already had five between us. It was sex for pleasure not for procreation!

We were always a little on the naughty side – we used to like to find quiet spots in the outdoors or in the car – or book ourselves the occasional dirty weekend away together.

So when I heard about the cancer treatment, my first thought was to ‘prowess’! Whilst it was obviously something that was incredibly scary and stressful at the time, our physical love is as strong as our ‘heart-love’. I wanted to make a full recovery in all senses of the word.

So once I had recovered from the surgery it was devastating that our sex life had been affected by erectile disfunction. I had problems getting hard – and if I achieved anything it lasted seconds. We kept trying and we sought additional medical help, but nothing worked for us. I became frustrated and depressed. Jennifer became frustrated with my attitude – although of course never with me – and gradually we stopped trying.

Sex is such a cement in a relationship. Love and shared experience and laughter and children and materialistic things are all important of course – but sex – well, it’s just the two of you. After good sex couples cuddle up, they smile and giggle, they might talk about it the following day; there’s a glow that surrounds you both. Not for us any more. It was the big fat elephant that trundled behind us everywhere we went. It would jump out of the TV when we were watching a film, it would scream at us from advertising hoardings, at the check-out in the chemists, at a dinner party when couples would make jokes about sex in good faith. We smiled and nodded – but every time I had a little chip taken out of my heart because it was the one big thing I couldn’t do for my darling wife.”

Jennifer has a few tears in her eyes and I ask her if she wants us to tale a break for a bit. But she says no and instead, tells some of her side of the story.

“For a long time we stopped talking about it. I love him – with or without the sex that doesn’t change. But he never told me how much it was affecting him. Of course I knew that it was ‘the elephant in the room’ but just how much it occupied his mind was hidden from me.

“He’s a world champion at oral sex!”

We could do other things of course. We bought some toys and he would use them on me. He is a world champion at oral sex! But those things got gradually less and less and lovemaking went out of the window.

Then one day I saw an article online in a magazine that told a story very similar to ours. How this couple had taken to ‘online dating’ to find men that could come to the house to play with them as a couple and have sex with the wife. I was shocked and turned on at the same time. We’d always had that naughty streak and so I knew I could show Mick and he may just like the idea.”

“I wasn’t shocked at all!” Mick laughs and seems to read my face looking for some shock in mine. I just smile. “We had sometimes watched porn and loved to watch some of the dogging scenes where husbands would share their wives with other men. We never did it at the time but both of us were turned on by the idea.

So we decided to chat openly about it and did that for a few months. We googled dogging and sex clubs and looked at some of the ‘hook-up’ sites where people were advertising for threesomes. But we decided that we would try the sex parties. In reality, dogging seemed a little too dirty for us and unsafe too.

Eventually we found a sex club that had good reviews, looked clean and friendly in the photos and marketing and was a long way from home! We went with the intention of just having a look the first time – which is exactly what we did. We met lots of lovely people – single men and couples too. I felt really uncomfortable at that point about discussing our reasons for being there, but actually nobody asked.

It seemed pretty normal for men not to be involved and just watch. Likewise the women too. We didn’t do anything – but it made Jennifer as horny as hell! I loved seeing her like that and so when we got home I used some toys on her and it was ‘almost’ like old times!

So we went again and again. At this point we hadn’t done anything with anyone else but had got to know a few people whilst we were there. On our third visit I let a man stroke and touch Jennifer after we had had a quick chat together. It was strange watching it – but more than anything I felt pride when he complimented her (and me) on her tits and body. He masturbated over her whilst I gave her oral. They both came and then she and I cuddled up together whilst we chatted to him.

Both of us really liked him and agreed to meet him again at the same venue. It gave us a chance to go home and have a chat about how far we wanted it to go. We decided on ‘the whole way’.”

I look at Jennifer and she is gazing at him with total adoration, lost in the moment. Her eyes are shining and she looks like a young woman in the first flushes of love and romance. He follows my gaze and they look into each others eyes. Suddenly I get a sense of intrusion and my slight awkwardness makes me shift in my seat. They both look at me and I she continues: “Most people would find this very difficult to deal with. Marriage is ‘in sickness and health’ isn’t it? If sex has been erased through sickness should we accept it and just do without? I suppose if that’s your choice then that’s your choice. But our relationship had definitely altered – mainly due to Mick’s feelings of guilt that he wasn’t able to sexually satisfy me – far less on my part really.”

Mick then adds: “The build up to our next visit was particularly intense. We talk endlessly about what we wanted him to do to her, how I would watch and what she wanted from him. It turned her on and our sex life heated up because of it. Nothing changed on my side of course – but the satisfaction of making your wife come with the talk of shared experiences is certainly a second best!

“I watched a big strong man fuck my wife”

We met him as planned and for the first time – and not the last – I watched a big strong man fuck my wife. Did it feel weird – no not really. I stroked her, I watched, I played with her too. She held my gaze as she came and he then came on her tits as she wanked him. I was a part of every second of it – and many many times since with him and others.”

I asked them the question that must be on every one’s minds….what if she fell in love with him and left? They both smiled.

“I love him as I ever did”, says Jennifer. “Sometimes I even think I love him more. Neither of us have chosen this path lightly, but for us it has solved an area of our relationship that was incredibly important to us and was dragging us down. We’ve set rules though – we are always together, we always use protection, I never kiss them with tongues – just a quick peck, I never meet anyone separately and the situation is always disclosed to the other man. We have some regulars now and tend to stick to being with them; sometimes we all meet for a drink and some dinner first – they have become friends. Friends with benefits – isn’t that what they say?”

*Not their real names.

 

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(Photo by Matheus Vinicius on Unsplash)