How do I start swinging and meeting other swingers?

Brazen people are special – because they are bold and unashamed. More than anything, they have a sense of adventure. One of the questions we have been posed most recently by one of our readers is: “We would like to try Swinging, but haven’t a clue how to meet other people and find out if they are suitable.”

So let’s imagine that you are a couple, you’ve got a strong relationship, you’ve known each other for some time, and you’ve been wondering about how a little swinging adventure might spice up your sex lives.

We all have fantasies, our ‘dirty talk’ conversations whispered into each other’s ear late at night – and we’ve all had our little adventures now stowed away in the ‘WankBank’. But now you have a desire to watch other people having sex, maybe watch your partner explore someone else? Explore some bisexuality that you have always known is there. Actually get two cocks in your hands or two mouths around your cock?

Whatever level you believe you want to take it to, it’ll change with time. You may want more – or certainly in some cases – less than you imagined.

The key to all of this debauchery, reaching beyond a Happy Ending and adding to your Happy Future is HONESTY.

Might just say that again – HONESTY.

To people who don’t swing, sex outside the two-person-partnership is very bad news – because it is all about doing something WITHOUT the presence, involvement or knowledge of your partner. Swinging is the opposite; you are doing sex with others to ADD to the strength of what you have, and that means sharing.

It might be sharing the actual bonking in a tangled pile-of-puppies tumble of arms, legs, and excited body parts; it might be a more sedate pairing alongside each other with a swap of lovers. It might simply be watching – and for many couples this is very useful when for reasons of age or health one partner cant keep up with the other but still wants to enjoy their pleasure. It might even be adventuring solo, with the prior knowledge of your partner – then going home to tell them breathlessly all about it….and if this works for you, it can be tremendously exciting!

So – if you have started strong, it will make you stronger. But guess what? If you start for the wrong reasons, if you don’t trust, it will likely break you up quicker than you can say ‘ffffuck’.

Honesty means BOTH wanting to play the game; don’t do it just to please him or her! You simply must talk it through, and be sure that you both know why you want to do this, and what you hope to get from it – and that if one becomes unhappy you pull away and sort it out.

So far so good; you’re both feeling decidedly tingly down below…..

But how the heck to you go about getting to meet and play with people?!

As with most things, start gently, and develop your ideas as you go along.  You might want to leap straight into being rope-tied and flogged or living out your fetish in one big bang. Have a look at Fetish.com for some kink positive dating and couple introductions or to create a free anonymous profile and browse what’s actually out there. But maybe this isn’t where you want to begin?

Have you heard that there is a particular pub or place locally that ‘holds special parties’?  Well, chances are that there IS indeed something local to you, but what you’ve heard will be miles from the truth!

The internet will come rapidly to your rescue here, and ‘swinging’ plus your area will soon bring up hits. And misses!

There are two main swinging sites. These are FabSwingers and Swinging Heaven and you will start to identify venues, events and ideas once you sign up.

You are now facing your first hurdle – there’s a limit to how much you can search without becoming a member of most sites; you’ll have to set up a profile and begin to disclose some details about yourself – eek! AND if you then want to see full profiles and send messages to people, you’ll have to pay a little money. In truth, these sites are very careful to deal properly with these details and transactions, because they know the value of being trusted.  FabSwingers is perhaps the most widely used contact site.

If you ever find yourself talking to people who swung before t’internet was born, they spent hours writing letters to box numbers from the back pages of newspapers and waited weeks for replies! Which is perhaps why the 70’s idea of ‘car keys in a bowl’ was a simpler option!

Hmmmm – your Profile. Give it some thought, be as honest as you dare, don’t lie stupidly about your age or build, say what you’re looking for. If you are slightly overweight – say so! If you have hidden tattoos – say so! If you have a big bush beard – say so. Trust me, there’s something for everyone.

You will also need some pictures if you want to strike lucky – have a look at what others do, decide what you like, and have fun with your phone! Chances are you’ll end up rather excited by it all – again!

Tasteful usually beats sordid, teasing is better than explicit – and boobs are always popular! Some people show a face but most don’t, unsurprisingly. But do be prepared to be asked to message a photo to prospective playmates.  What Username will you use? What Tagline will you write? It’s actually all good fun.

Once you’ve loaded a profile, get ready to deal with messages….. if you’ve ever been on a dating site (especially as a woman) you’ll know that an avalanche of pricks (and here it will be anatomy as well as character) will head your way. It’s nice to answer anything that looks genuine, even if with a polite ‘no thanks’ – but don’t be afraid to ignore the obvious dross and dreamers. Fake profiles are certainly present – but they aren’t too hard to spot.

Being ‘verified’ is a big indicator of a genuine profile – and one that actually proves you meet people and ‘do stuff’! Don’t let it all take over your life – it’s all for fun after all.

We would suggest that as a first step you locate an event venue and go to take a look at the goings-on. This way you can meet people, chat,  and collect some usernames to cross-verify each other (a ‘veri’ confirms that you are real and can be trusted – so you don’t have to actually have sex to get a veri. Everything gets easier once you ‘exist’!)

You can also watch, see how it all makes you feel, and only need to join in if you want to. Plenty of couples get excited watching and just play together.

Dress in what feels comfortable and makes you feel sexy. You’ll be body-conscious and guys especially can be rather aware of their um….performance. The great news here is that you simply don’t need to worry!

You will see that all ages and sizes and shapes and styles will be present (unless you go to one of the very classy expensive parties where there is a degree of selection of who can attend). 

Try not to set your parameters too tightly; you’ll find they shift quite readily. Agree a ‘safe word’ so that you can casually communicate any unhappiness with what is developing and move gently away.

People worry that they will be leapt upon, grabbed, and ’taken’ without warning – it just doesn’t happen that way. You may be surprised at the degree of respect shown and permission asked, and it is always the case that  a polite ‘No’ means a definite NO. Some people agree to play ‘Bareback’ i.e. without protection, but this is generally NOT the rule. Brazen always recommends safe play.

Good hosts will provide condoms, but it is sensible to take your own and USE them. Nobody will mind in the slightest. And if you take your own, you know they will fit and not irritate sensitive bits and bobs.

Party events will last several hours – you ARE allowed breaks!  You may well want to consider any issues of lubrication that might arise and take what you need; gentlemen may wish to consider the assistance of ‘little blue friends’ aka Viagra or similar to help keep things stiff. You’ll know how your own body works, but this scene may present things in a different light and you might not want to find yourself hors de combat while in the thick of battle.

Remember – you are there for fun, for each other, for exploration – so be Brave and be Brazen!

Now you’ve dumped your 20 toes into the waters of ‘The Scene’, you’ll find it much easier to start to set up your own meetings and explore different ideas! Treat it as a ‘treat’ rather than feeling that you simply HAVE to do it all immediately.

You might take a holiday abroad in Cap d’Agde or Gran Canaria where swinging venues and hotels have a thriving business; lots of opportunities there to make friends and have fun.

Your experiences wont all be brilliant and you’ll be happy not to see some folk a second time, but overall the journey is fascinating. If you like sex and like people-watching, you’re about to enter paradise!